Do you know this phenomenon when you meet someone, and you instantly have the feeling that you are on the same wave length? You feel attracted to that person even though you don’t know them at all and may not even have spoken a word yet? And when you talk to each other it feels as if you are on the exact same frequency?

I was on a training in Italy last year. A very good friend of mine today was a participant as well and it clicked between us in the very first second. 

We looked at each other and there was this instant connection, this warmth and the feeling that we had been knowing each other for ages already. 

The training was about a particular coaching technique, so a certain depth of interaction was pre-programmed. However, the depths, openness and trust we experienced together in our conversations was amazing. We talked for hours and shared our stories. I told her things that I have never told anyone before and that I had no conscious memory of up to then; We found a lot of common ground in our lives, our way of being and of seeing the world, it was super inspiring. It was simply energizing and blissful, I felt touched by her, we were totally connected.

I met another real good friend a couple of years ago. Only yesterday we had a two hour call in which we exchanged about love and life, and it was really spooky. 

No matter what one of us said, the other had a similar story to tell, which made us go deeper and deeper, and gave both of us some really new insights.

I felt so heard and seen and enriched after our call. And again, I felt truly connected with her.

So, what is this feeling of connection about?

Feeling connection means being in resonance. Resonance origins from the latin word “resonare” meaning to re-sound. In his book “Resonance”, Hartmut Rosa explains that we are in resonance with somebody or something when we respond to each other’s oscillartory impluses. The vibrations of two bodies in a resonant relationship can mutually reinforce each other, their amplitudes growing even larger. The effect of such an impulse can be many times stronger than of the first body alone. 

That explains why in my conversations in Italy I suddenly remembered things that I had forgotten before. Or how our mutual stories have led my friend and me ever deeper.

So, whenever we perceive something and take something seriously, whenever we feel touched by someone or something, we have to have resonance with it. At the same time, we only perceive what we have resonance for and only come into contact with what we are in resonance with.

It is like a radio for which there are no TV channels because it is not set to receive them.  This means that we perceive only our own world, with which we resonate. We don’t get into contact with nor have an understanding for anything else if we do not feel touched in some way.

Just think of a situation in which you are talking to someone and actually you don’t care what they have to say. It doesn’t resonate with you. You simply want to get away as quickly as possible. 

You might ask the question now what this all has to do with transformation? Rüdiger Dahlke describes in his book “Die Schicksalsgesetze” that …

…our world becomes a mirror to us when something resonates with us. Everything we recognize in this mirror, has to do with us, otherwise we could not perceive it.

There are these blissful encounters and moments with others when we amplify each other and parts, which are already in us, start vibrating in a higher frequency. The other holds up the mirror, so to speak, and shows us what is possible. We feel strength, energy, creativity and clarity, which gives us the impetus to allow new things and transformation to happen. 

I have, for example, a very dear friend who stimulates my creativity and drive and stretches my thinking with every conversation we have. After our talks, I regularly grow beyond myself and experiment with things that I didn’t think were possible or I simply didn’t think of up to then. So, he becomes my mirror and releases in me what’s there and is waiting to be released. This can be truly transformative.

Our mirror concerns nice things, but also things that displease us.

Problems arise as soon as we try to change the outside world in our mirror because there is something we dislike, instead of recognizing that this is OUR mirror.

What triggers us outside needs to be worked on inside of us. If you are constantly triggered by something in your environment, you have to have the topic in yourself respectively in your shadow, which means that we tune into something that we are not aware of.  We try to push the topic away in our shadow so that we can’t see it anymore, but it’s still there in our subconscious and shows up regularly when the outside world holds up the mirror. However, if it shows up it must not and will not always be found one to one. I’ll give you an example.

I hate if people are not reliable. Reliability by my definition means that you promise something and do not keep to it or do not raise your hand appropriately in time if you cannot keep it. It’s these little things that drive me crazy. Saying you will call in the evening and not doing it. People having agreed to send something by a certain deadline and even after the deadline has passed, I have to ask three more times. Things like that happen to me quite frequently. I could now enter into the finger pointing game and start nagging and complaining. How dare they are !

However, when I truly looked at myself in this held up mirror a while ago, there was (and still is) a lot to discover. If I was really honest to myself, it already started with not keeping my promises to myself. Doing a little break every 90 minutes to move my body? Well, this can wait, I just need to finish something quickly. Giving myself a day per week in which I do nothing work related? Is forgotten as soon as I have a creative idea. Working though my to do list in the time frame given by me? Rarely (one of the reasons here certainly is that I tend to put so much on my list that it’s impossible to finish in the given time, but anyway…). I could continue this list forever. And yes, it happened and still happens that I do tell friends that I would call and then I forget about it or I simply don’t make it and forget to let them know in time. 

It took me a while before I wanted to see and acknowledge this unreliability towards myself in particular and its interrelation with my environment. This realization was not nice, and it doesn’t make me proud. But since I was always in resonance with it, this permanently brought me into situations in which I experienced ‘unreliability’ outside. 

Since I am consciously becoming more reliable towards myself, I can see and sense transformation happening. I also become more reliable towards others and I also experience more and more reliability in the outside world. 

So, the message in here is that if we manage to understand and acknowledge our environment as OUR mirror, we hold the key to our transformation in our hands.

We generally develop a resonance to what we are ready for. The more conscious we are about the law of resonance the more targeted we can make use of it and work on ourselves. When we are ready for a topic, we will suddenly encounter it everywhere.

We will “suddenly” meet people who are interested in the same topic, find corresponding books and movies and gather according experiences. And yet we can actively influence our “growth” by making a conscious choice about the environment in which we operate and the people with whom we surround ourselves as these affect our resonance.

But we can also use the phenomena of resonance to help others.

Offering the other a body of resonance by deliberately “tuning into” them, supports them in their own awareness finding, shadow integration and thus healing process.

 When you deliberately go in real resonance with somebody you create a frequency together that can amplify the inner processes of a person (thoughts, emotions, sensations). And at the same time, it is crucial that you give support by providing a safe space, meaning being fully present with the person, listening with an open heart and mind, and holding the space for him/her so he/she can show him/herself fully. 

However, for more details on ‘being a body of resonance for others’ you have to wait a bit, this is worth an extra blog.

So much for this time. Enjoy your journey of discovery into the phenomena of resonance!